


Lost Love

by lazydewdrop



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Awkward Romance, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Possibly Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-25
Updated: 2017-05-25
Packaged: 2018-11-04 20:35:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10998507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lazydewdrop/pseuds/lazydewdrop
Summary: "It could've been me..."  Davesprite whispers to no one in particular as he watches the backs of John (his John) and another Dave from a doomed timeline walk away, hands lovingly entwined.





	Lost Love

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, is the fandom still alive? It's been years after the ending and re-reading the web comic is probably not a good idea but I can't resist!! Davesprite has always strike me as a character suitable for angst, and it pains my heart to think about the 'what ifs' that he probably mulls over every day... It doesn't stop me from writing this though! He deserves more love, yes, but the angst needs to get out before the love can come in :D

* * *

 

You’re Dave Strider and you are completely bored out of your mind. Okay, you’re not exactly Dave Strider the Alpha since you’re technically fused with a game sprite but whatever. Details, details. You’re Davesprite and you are still completely bored out of your mind. It’s been almost 5 months since you were on board this sparkly golden Prospitian battleship.

 

You’ve done everything you could to pass the time on this boring vessel – mixing ill jams, composing sick rhymes, play around with your sword… you know the usual Dave agenda. You talked with all the available consorts on the battleship, asking how their day’s been and all that formality bullshit. Some of them were pretty awesome, and some even managed to have rap offs with you that lasted probably about 1 minute. You give them credit where credit is due, but otherwise they can be too simple-minded and silly to have an actual conversation.

 

Of course there is Jade, who’s really cool and fun to talk with. You guys spend time around the battleship talking about little things, about what she was up to and what you were up to before the Scratch. You barely had any interaction with her during the whole game session, so there really is nothing to talk about besides how silly the consorts were and what you guys are going to do when you reach the other window. You tell her jokes and send her some of your cool beats, she tells you stories about her land and how Jack basically followed her around like a little lost puppy.

 

“You’re really funny, you know that Dave?” Jade would normally say after a hearty laugh, wiping tears out of her bright green eyes. You always smile whenever she said that, because it’s nice having such a wonderful friend as Jade.

 

“What can I say, it’s the Strider magic.” You said after that, which would make her giggle even more.

 

Then there’s John. John Egbert. The name itself is enough to send butterflies into your stomach, where your wings would twitch ever so slightly. That damn Egbert is also famous for his pranks, even among the consorts. You have been victim to countless of his antics than you would dare to admit, your pride would never allow that. You can’t blame him though, not when he shows you that cheeky bright grin with cute protruding buckteeth and those blue eyes that are just so proud of his work. Your anger usually dissipates right after you see that face, and honestly you hate yourself a little every time the butterflies flutter and make a total mess of your heartbeat.

 

“Hehehehe oh god, you fell for that again!” John laughed as he doubled over, hand clutching at his side while the other wiped tears off his eyes.

 

You pushed the pail away from your head, the distant clink telling you it flew way further than you had intended. Fluffing your wings to get the water out of them, you shook your head to make little droplets spin around and out of your hair.

 

“Caw caw, very funny Egbert.” You deadpanned in your most monotone voice, silently appreciating the flushed cheeks John was sporting from such a loud and hearty guffaw. He floated towards you, extending an arm out to help you up. You took his hand, only to get shocked by the hand buzzer that was hidden in his palm. John laughed again, this time even louder (If it was even possible) as his cheeks got redder and his eyes closed as he relished the feeling of getting you twice in a row. If you weren’t in love with this smug little asshole, you would have decked him in the stomach.

 

Of course you decked him in the stomach, for ironic purposes.

 

That happened one week ago, and now you’re alone in your makeshift nest pondering what to do for the rest of the day. You can always go back to sleep, but where’s the fun in that? You remember Jade mentioning something about dream bubbles and meeting all sorts of people travelling in said bubbles. She was certainly excited about the notion, falling asleep as much as she can and waking up with more interesting stories to tell.

 

John said he even met some weird fish-troll lady who was trying to cull a floating sleeping lady. You believe him of course, since this game couldn’t get any weirder. You’ve only had trivial dreams so far, meeting some dead trolls you don’t really recognise, and exploring weird lands with sugar cubes and teacups (You had a feeling you met an offshoot timeline Karkat, but you weren’t sure). You could give this dream bubble thing another try, who knows maybe you’ll meet John. The John from your timeline. You know he’s dead, so there’s a pretty good chance he could be wandering around these dream bubbles. You’re suddenly really excited to fall asleep, so you do just that.

 

It didn’t take long before you check out of reality and into dream land, in this case dream bubbles. You float about lazily, trying to locate where the hell you are. Probably another strange land by other players you don’t know. Purple islands, clear blue waters and too many compass rose in the sky. There is no one in sight except for miles of lush greenery, wobbly bridges and too many opened treasure chests.

 

“Man, even in my dream I’m bored to death… and I ain’t even dead yet.” You grumble lowly to yourself, floating further down the island nearing the ocean. Suddenly there is a rustle of black hair just out of the corner of your eye. You turn your head towards the sound and notice the mess of black hair darting for a bush, hiding from your sight. You flap your wings and fly towards the direction, swift yet deadly silent. That thing won’t even know what hit it until you tackle it to the ground, both you and your prey skidding some distance before stopping.

 

“Sneaking up on a Strider? Fat chance bro-“ You stop talking as your eyes register your prey’s familiar appearance. Messy black hair, thick black rimmed glasses, adorable buckteeth… It’s John, albeit a dead John from a doomed timeline, but it’s still John. You reel back slightly to observe him fully. A blue-green suit with that signature Ghostbuster logo… the same tuxedo you saw him wearing before he stupidly went and got himself killed. Oh my god, this isn’t just another dead John, this is YOUR dead John. YOUR JOHN. Your heart stops functioning for a moment as your mind tries to think of ways to go about this miraculous encounter.

 

You’ve been hoping to bump into him in these dream bubbles ever since Jade gave you the news. You thank whatever God or Horrorterror that is working to your favour. John looks slightly flustered as he tries to squirm his way out of your hold. You quickly release your grip on his arms, reaching out to pull John up on his feet. He dusts his pants before giving you a sheepish grin, “Sorry man, I thought you were a creature of this land.”

 

“Dude, it’s me. Don’t you recognise your own best bro? Harsh Egbert.” As a Strider, you naturally play it cool and give him an offhanded jab. Your heart is hammering wildly in your ribcage however, not that you’re showing it. John’s face scrunches up into a confused expression, before realisation dawns on him as his white-out eyes grow bigger along with a buckteeth grin.

 

“No way! Dave? As in, Dave from my timeline?!”

 

“The one and only.”

 

John gives you a happy squeal before he launches a hug tight enough to knock a breath out of you.

Both of you sit down at the deck overlooking the vast blue ocean, the orange shimmer of the sun blurring out the line that separates the sea and sky. Your tail swishes happily below, while John’s legs swing a little. You are so happy to be able to see him again that it’s getting hard to keep your love-stricken smile at bay.

 

“Still, I can’t believe you got turned into part crow! Must be nice to be able to fly and all that stuff!”

John beams at you happily, as eager as you to catch up and talk to his best bro. Even though his eyes are white-out, you can still detect a shine in those hollow pupils. It must be a John Egbert thing, to be able to portray such life and eagerness even in death.

 

“I guess it’s pretty cool. But hey, I heard dead people can fly too so I’m hardly any different from you.”

 

“But you’re different! Yeah sure I can fly, but that’s about it. You have all these cool sprite powers, and your sword and stuff!”

 

“I wouldn’t call having a sword pierced through my stomach cool.”

 

“I didn’t mean it like that! Just…argh, you know what I mean!!”

 

You chuckle a little, your signature smirk plaster firmly on your face. Your wings flutter just a little at the compliment John offered you, your heart warm and fuzzy knowing that John doesn’t find you weird or creepy even if you’re half bird and fully orange.

 

“So what have you been up to in this strange land? Assuming you have all the time in the world, now that you’re immortal.” You joke lightly as you deliver a playful punch to his upper arm. He shoves back at you just as playfully, before stretching his arms up high and lying down on the wooden deck. You follow suit, tail floating higher in the breeze.

 

“I’m not immortal, I’m DEAD. There’s a difference Dave.”

 

“Details, details.”

 

“Shut up! Hehehe, anyways I’ve been up to a lot. Mostly exploring whenever we pass by new bubbles.”

 

“Wait, ‘we’?” You sit up slightly, elbows propping on the deck as you look at John quizzically. Is he travelling with friends? Maybe Jade or Rose from different timelines? Maybe even… another Dave? The thought unsettles you, your heart tugs painfully with jealousy at the fact that there is another Dave travelling and spending time with YOUR John. You could only pray it’s not true.

 

“Yeah! It’s lonely out here if you’re alone… I met some of the trolls, but it seems like most of them don’t even know me.”

 

You nod lightly, a cue for him to continue.

 

“And then I saw Dave! Not you, of course hehehe, but another Dave from another doomed timeline.”

 

Well shit. Looks like you jinxed yourself. You feel yourself tense, the air around you suddenly feels too stiff and your lungs find it hard to work properly. You’re disappointed that you couldn’t be the one that stays by his side, that the Dave beside John was another man that is not you.

You sit up fully, floating and gazing towards the horizon. John is still lying beside you, gazing at the compass roses gliding across the sky in a lazy drawl. Your hands curl into fists beside you, your heart thundering and the noise resounding loudly in your ears. You worry your lower lip, wondering if you should just say whatever’s troubling your mind. You love him, and you want to tell him that.

 

Sucking in a long breath, you turn your head to John, “Hey Egbert, I need to tell you something –“

 

“John.”

 

Your sentence gets cut off when you hear another voice – your own voice not too far from where you and John are. Your whole body turns stiff, even your tail stops swishing as footsteps draw closer to the deck. You see John’s face light up as he scrambles to sit up and turn his body to the source of the voice.

 

“Dave! Where have you been? I was looking for you!” John’s excited voice is almost too much for you right now. He isn’t addressing you, even though the name that escaped his mouth was indeed yours. You finally turn around, facing a man in a bright green tuxedo and aviators just like yours. You feel your stomach churn in a way that makes your whole body sick.

 

The other Dave stops just in front of both of you as John stands up and punches his chest lightly. The other Dave smiles, ruffling John’s hair in a matter that can only be called endearing.

 

“Sorry babe, was distracted by all these flora around me.” The fact that he used the word ‘babe’ to address John in a voice that is so similarly yours is enough to make your heart constrict with jealousy. You use all of your willpower to not fly away just then, instead you fly towards the pair with your trademark Strider smile. The other Dave returns it with ease as you fist bump each other.

 

“Sup.”

 

“Sup.”

 

It was a simple enough exchange, and you take extra care to not let any bitterness seep through your cool façade. The other Dave none the wiser, as he turns back to John and takes his hand into his own. John flushes and a smile creeps up his face as he laces their fingers together. Ah, you thought to yourself, so they’re really boyfriends. You could feel the remaining pieces of your heart breaking, shattering into diamond dust as all hope for you is lost. Your John is dating another Dave, a Dave that is not half bird and fully orange. Not you.

 

“What were you doing out here? We were supposed to go to the top of the island and check out the awesome view.” The other Dave inquired with a suggestive tone. You never knew you could hate your own voice, not until now. John giggles in reply, “I saw something moving and went to check it out, turns out it was just Dave!” You shrug in reply, the walls already up and doing their job of segregating your emotions from your actions.

 

“Sick wings, bro.” The other Dave nods to you, appreciating your getup.

 

“I know, the sickest you could ever think of getting.” Only sarcastic remarks now, crushing heart and painfully hollow abyss be damned.

 

John rolls his white-out eyes at both of you, smile still plastered on his adorable face. He tugs at Dave’s (Not you of course) hand and perks up excitedly, “Guys! Let’s explore the next bubble together! What do you say?” He then looks to you, face light up in hopefulness. Oh gosh how you wish you can say yes to that face, you can say yes to anything if it’s that face. Too bad reality is an asshole and you know no matter what you do now he’ll never be yours.

 

You shake your head, a small smirk hanging on your face. “Sorry to disappoint a bro, but I gotta go. Jade’s probably worried about me knocked out for so long.” Your heart breaks the third time today as John frowns sadly, eyebrows drooping and head lolling downwards slightly. “Oh… That’s too bad I guess…” You feel like an asshole for making John sport that awful face, so you try to reach out and ruffle his hair, only to be beaten to the punch by another.

 

“Hey, it’s okay. We’ll probably bump into each other again during his next nap.” The other Dave brings John close to his chest, nuzzling his face into John’s hair while his arm circles around him. Your eyebrow twitches at the sight, jealous of the other Dave being able to hold John like that. You want to just leave already, but you have to play this cool like a Strider.

 

“What he said. So I’ll see you guys around next time.”

 

John sighs, knowing there is no way of convincing you to stay after you’ve made up your mind. So he smiles, all too cheerful for your eyes right now as he goes over to give you one last hug. Your arms stay frozen by your sides, too dumb to process anything after all that heartbreak. John releases you and goes back to the other Dave, hands lacing together as they make way towards the inside of the island.

 

“Well, bye Dave! See you soon I hope!” John waves towards you, arm flailing wildly above his head.

 

You can only wave back, your arms too heavy to be lifted all the way up above your head. The other Dave salutes you, before him and John turn their backs toward you as they venture into the forest. You stare at their backs until they completely disappear into the lush greenery. That is when you completely lost it, breaking down into a silent cry as tears stream down your face. Your wings bring you down towards the deck, sliding solemnly at your sides as you try your hardest to stop the waterworks. Not that it works since you’ve just been heartbroken by your first ever crush, who is dating another version of yourself. The irony would be funny if it happened to someone that is not you.

 

“It could’ve been me…” You sob silently to no one in particular, heart ripped into pieces as breathing once more becomes too difficult. You gasp in between your sobs, crouching down and hugging your torso.

 

“It could’ve been me…”

 

Your mind starts wondering, drifting to the ‘What if’s – What if you hadn’t decided to go back in time? What if you just died in your own timeline? What if you actually confessed to John before he died? What if you actually managed to protect John from dying? A garbled voice comes out of your throat, as you consciously try to hold in your cry. Your head hurts from all the thinking, all the regret, all the remorse that the flash of bright light didn’t even faze you.

 

The next thing you know you’re wide awake, anxious blue eyes staring into yours. You realise you’re awake, and there is wetness on your cheeks. Quickly, you put distance between you and John as you wipe at your face roughly. John’s worried expression didn’t leave his face however as he gets closer to you again, arms trying to stop yours from leaving scratch marks all over your own face.

 

“Dave! Dude, stop! You’re going to leave permanent marks all over your face if you keep being so rough.” John’s voice carries a twinge of panic, heavy with worry and concern for you. You’re still reeling over that encounter you had with your John, and the similarity between them both is just too much for your broken heart to bear.

 

So you did the logically thing of pushing John down, planting your lips onto his. John landed onto your makeshift nest unceremoniously, lips locking with yours as his eyes grow wide with shock. You feel the waterworks coming back, the aftershock still not completely over as you once again remember your vivid dream encounter.

 

“John…” You whisper desperately into John’s lips, watery eyes blurring your vision as your hands try to grasp at his shirt with equal desperation. “John…I’m sorry…I’m sorry I couldn’t save you, I’m sorry I’m such a shitty friend…” Your mind goes blank as you let emotion take over your actions, eyes squeezed shut as tears keep falling.

 

John’s hands are suddenly holding your cheeks, putting distance between the both of you enough for you to refocus your eyes on his. His blue eyes shine with comfort, glowing with a softness that makes your heart melt and the pain less numb.

 

“Hey... I don’t know what happened in your dream but I’m right here, Dave. I’m right here with you…” John whispers in a soft and calming tone that brings you down from your hysteria. Your chest heaves into a steady rhythm. John moves one hand up into your hair, brushing and massaging your scalp as he pulls you close again towards his chest.

 

“I don’t know why you’d say that, but you’re not a shitty friend Dave. You’re the best bro anyone could ever have.”

 

“… John-“

 

John shushes you before you can speak, his lips going for your forehead in a light peck. You blush a little, head crooning into his chest further as your hands grip onto his shirt. You’re not sure what’s happening right now, but you’re grateful that John didn’t pry any further as both of you lay quietly in each other’s embrace.

 

“… I love you.” You whisper as quietly as you can into John’s shirt, tiredness replacing the outburst of emotions. Your eyelids feel heavy as you struggle to keep your eyes open. You feel a curve of a smile on your forehead before John plants another kiss into your hair.

 

“Yeah… me too Dave.”

 

As you succumb to another round of sleep, your heart in a slow and steady rhythm, you think to yourself that this is probably the best, for now.


End file.
